Nobody is coming to save you

Nobody Is Coming to Save You. A Green Beret's Guide to Getting Big Sh*t Done. Scott Mann. Center Street. 240 pp.

BACK COVER 

For years, Scott Mann worked in environments where nobody was coming to save him, his men, or the exhausted majority of Afghans they served. He learned that the best way to get big sh*t done and bridge vast divisions is to meet people where they are, not where you want them to be. He calls this approach Rooftop Leadership.

Wherever you live, work, or play—in real estate, in corporate sales, in HR, for a community volunteer group, in a non-profit, in politics—the hardest thing to find these days is authentic connection with other people. The social trends and fraying of civil society after more than two years of prolonged isolation from Covid, mass technology, organizational strain, and blinking-red stress levels on our emotional dashboards have taken a toll.

With inspiring stories about his experiences in the military and candid reflections on civilian life, Scott Mann connects readers to a more ancient, primal aspect of their nature rendered dormant by the modern world. Nobody Is Coming to Save You shows readers how to navigate the Churn that’s dividing us and learn to make new and deeper connections to ourselves, each other, and the natural world around us.

THE AUTHOR

A New York Times bestselling author and leadership coach, Scott Mann is a husband and dad. He is also a retired Army Green Beret. While serving in the Army, Scott traveled throughout the world. Some of these deployments include: Iraq, Afghanistan, Colombia, Panama, Peru and Ecuador. After retiring, Scott founded The Heroes Journey, a nonprofit organization that helps warriors and their families find their voice and tell their story as they come home from military service. Nowadays, Scott shares his invaluable secrets for successfully motivating people to action in low-trust, high-stakes environments. He lives in Tampa, with his wife and three sons.

SUMMARY + NOTES

INTRO

Green Berets work by, with, and through local people to help them stand up on their own, a small team of specially trained advisors. We parachute in and walk into the chaos. We connect at exactly the right spot, with precisely the right person. It might be a village elder or a tribal chief. Then, we get surrounded on purpose. Green Berets learn the language, the culture, and the environment. Rather than roll in and roll out, we stay, and we stay, and we stay until the time is just right. We help the little guy stand up against the big guy.

I failed multiple courses, many times. With each failure, I fought through the impostor syndrome and self-sabotage I’d developed from years of being bullied.

CHAPTER 1

The Churn. Kandahar Province, south-central Afghanistan, spring of 2010. A cluster of earthen buildings and crisscrossing dirt paths, a village strategically important for the war against America’s enemies. Nearly every house had a fortified wall peppered with bullet holes. US forces would hole up in firebases and keep Afghans at arm’s length during the day, then kick down doors at night, dragging sons, fathers, and grandfathers out of their beds to be interrogated, perhaps imprisoned. Command decided to get back to its roots: We would immerse ourselves more deeply in at-risk Afghan communities. The village was a classic low-trust, high-stakes environment. They lived in an inescapable shock, a fear-based, hypnotic condition where a person is stuck between fight and flight. They were in a constant churn of disengagement. They didn’t trust each other. They didn't trust us.

We made them three promises:

1. If they didn’t want us there, now or at any time in the future, then just say so and we’d leave. 
2. If they allowed us to stay, things in the village would get harder before they got easier. The Taliban were going to continue to come for them and their families and for us Americans. 
3. When they do come, us Green Berets are going to climb up our ladders, take positions on the rooftops, and we’re going to fight. We’re going to do this whether you villagers join us or not.

Every time we fought, we hoped the farmers would race up to their rooftops as well and begin firing their AKs at the same targets we were firing on. But even if they didn’t, we kept hoping. Maybe, one night, they would take up arms and join us. We didn’t know if they would. But we had hope. Then one night, under attack on the rooftop, we heard it. Off to one side, a rifle shot. A muzzle flash. Shooting in the same direction as our team. Not from our rooftop. From the rooftop of one of the villagers. The next night, there would be one more Afghan, and another the night after that, and so on until every farmer and shop owner in the village was on their roof, fighting alongside us. We were leading from the rooftop.

"defined by human connection.1"

"the ability to connect with others seems to be the rarest of skills and mobilizing them to action the scarcest of outcomes."

"defining the enemy."

The Churn is volatile.

The Churn is divisive.

The Churn is fear-inducing.

The Churn breeds uncertainty

The Churn is complex.

The Churn is crowded.

The Churn is ambiguous.

The Churn erodes confidence.

The Churn doesn’t care for facts.

The Churn thrives online.

The Churn is relentless.

The Churn's Four Ds:

1. Distraction.
2. Disengagement. The Great Resignation. The Talent Tsunami. Quiet quitting. Gallup reports that 68 percent of employees are disengaged at work.
3. Disconnection.
4. Distrust.

Example of the churn: It was as if something hidden from view had suddenly become visible. Rob’s mind had been hijacked. He was in a trance. Step out of the Churn and lead from the bottom up. This is how we get big shit done: by being able to relate to the pain of others, and by being more relevant to their goals.

1. First, we’re going to get below the waterline. We’ll learn to perceive the threats and the opportunities.
2. Next, we’ll get into the nitty-gritty of Rooftop Leadership. Nobody wins alone.
• Explore how Meaning is forged; delve into our Emotions; mine our Social capital; refine our Storytelling chops; and talk about our Struggles. We’ll also learn how to wield authentic influence when dealing with (quite understandably) reluctant people.
3. Finally, we’ll bring it all together so that you can focus on what you need to do.

This is the world in which we live, work, and play every day. It isn’t the Churn, but it is absolutely where the Churn lives and thrives.

Status one maintains within one’s group, it is a two-sided coin called honor and shame.

Social capital, the tangible and intangible links between humans. The Churn creates these shadows of tribalism—fear, scarcity, group feud, even violence—which trick our left brain into thinking it needs to fight. We need social connection, we need real reciprocity, we need storytelling, we need to spend time outside in nature, we need to invest in social capital. The Churn generally, but social media specifically, amplifies our mutual contempt. The status quo cannot stand.

To be a Rooftop Leader, you’ll have to be surgically coercive but only when absolutely necessary; you’ll have to rise above the churn of conflict by listening, building trust, and taking account of facts on the ground; but most of all you’ll have to connect with people, often radically different than you, like your life depends on it. Keep handy a type of surgical, unbending resolve that is sometimes necessary when faced with conflict. Storytelling, active listening, and rapport building. These soft skills are hard, both difficult to master and, if used properly, very difficult to defeat.

Special Forces Qualification Course, how to remain connected with their humanity as they run the digital seams serving the greater good. Getting MESSSy, a framework for action. Take responsibility for your own actions before you can help anyone else. You—and only you—are in a position to help yourself. You and only you are responsible for fighting our common enemy, the Churn, and for seeking meaning in your own life.

Leave Tracks

Surrender to Purpose

Get Clear

Get Back to Where the Wild Things Are

Get Moving

On long walks in the forest for what he called character building. True leaders serve not only the people around them, but also the people who come long after they’re gone. We leave three main types of tracks: tracks for our youth, tracks of capacity, and tracks of relationships.

"Tracks for our youth. Our kids will leave us sooner than we think. Our inherent responsibility is to do all we can to prepare them for the challenges they’ll face."

"I define capacity as the ability of the people you serve to keep moving forward when you are not there."

"we call it “working ourselves out of a job.”"

"“I’ll never see this tree in the woods, but my grandkids will.”i"

"Grab a pen and some paper, find a quiet place, and write for seven minutes about the legacy you’d like to leave. A hidden gem will reveal itself,"

"once you can see your purpose you need to run after it. Hard."

"Without purpose, we perish."

If the Churn has an opposite, it is clarity. Set a window in the mornings for zero screen time, and all screens off at least one hour before you rack out for the night. Turn off your phone. Clean your side of the street. In all likelihood, nobody, and I mean nobody, is going to make you get clear. Build a lifelong regimen for reclaiming our clarity. A seven-day digital detox is a game-changing. The clarity and creativity it gives is freeing.

A truly spiritual person is not a hermit sitting on a mountain contemplating his navel, but someone involved in the world, working, serving others and opposing tyranny of all kinds.

Get back to nature. Get outside. It grounds us in our bodies, and reaffirms what is real, the wild things, both inside and out. “Sir, I’m like a great white shark. If I stop moving, I’ll die.” Move. Lift weights. Hit the heavy bag. Go for a walk. Even meditation involves dynamic movement of the diaphragm. Movement and meaning are inextricably linked.

"it is necessary that we access our emotions. We need to metabolize the trauma of the tiger attack collectively. We do this through human connection."

"Making a human connection and gaining initial rapport is essential before commencing with your agenda. Asking thoughtful, open-ended questions that allow the other party to respond in narrative. Striving to see the pictures in their head that drive their goals and illuminate their pain. Engaging with an intention of pure curiosity and discovery. Preparing your body through breathwork for being relatable and relevant before the next tense presentation to your boss begins. These simple moves exponentially reduce the emotional temperature in the room."

"bring your own emotional temperature down so that you can then bring it down for others."

"negotiation is two or more parties coming together to meet their goals."

Managing emotional temperature: When emotions are high—when there is anger or fear—it’s difficult for either party to focus on anything beyond survival. If you want to meet your goals, you must keep your cool, and manage emotional temperature always.

Leadership—whether you’re an Army captain leading Green Berets, a high school soccer coach, or a small business owner—is defined as the management of energy.

Recovery is necessary for leadership:

• Micro recovery: Episodic resets that you can do at any time during your day. 
• Macro recovery: Rituals that are planned and require more time. 
• Acceptance and recovery take practice.

Bottom line: No matter how tough you are, give emotions their due. Accept them. Share them in an authentic way. It makes you relatable. Recover from their effects. And then, be intentional in helping others.

"the power of making social connections. Not a soft skill at all. The complete opposite. The foundation of success."

"Relationships are strategic assets. Social capital is at the heart of how people, teammates, employees, and clients take action. Social capital is comprised of the tangible and intangible linkages between you and other people. Rapport. Loyalty. Reciprocity."

"you should build and maintain a diverse set of meaningful relationships. You need a relationship portfolio"

"The relationship must be the asset, not the means to a transaction."

"connection is everything. The next crisis is always right around the corner. To better deal with it, we need to get more deliberate, more intentional about our connections."

"Take a page from Jim Gant and connect"

"Nobody wins alone."

"The Starfish and the Spider, Ori Brafman and Rod Beckstrom introduce the concepts of “spider organizations” and “starfish organizations.”"

"bottom-up community approaches are what is missing from today’s leadership."

"diversity is a technical advantage."

"Build trust when risk is low, leverage it when risk is high."

"When things are relatively calm, we must build trust for the next pandemic, the next financial meltdown, the next war."

"Nobody is coming to save you—but going it alone is a fool’s errand."

"Taking the time to build trust and social capital when risk is low is how we will navigate the next crisis, whatever it happens to be."

"those certificates was a down payment of social capital from some previous team that enabled me to make my big ask and get a positive answer."

"The takeaway: Humans are social creatures. Gratitude never goes out of style. Neither does hospitality."

"recognize good work with tangible gratitude and that you demonstrate hospitality to the people you serve. Don’t do this because you expect something; do it because the relationship is an asset that you value."

"introductions are sacred."

"bridge these initial connection gaps."

"The ability to introduce people is strategic."

"Never forget: Introductions take practice, they require intention."

"Meet with the new person ahead of time. Take a few minutes to ask thoughtful, open-ended questions."

"listen"

"just tell their story."

"to know what the audience values and the new person has to offer."

"When it comes to introductions, amateurs get right to the bottom line. Professionals connect first, and then they move on."

"the “decisive point.” This is a critical component of any operation that focuses the energy and actions of the involved parties on a particular point in time and space."

"in every human interaction. It’s the point when the other party becomes ready to hear what you have to say. It’s when they become open to listening."

"Context is everything. Local is the most relevant."

"Context is everything. And to gain it, you must go local or go home."

"There is a pathway to relevance. Be an empathetic witness.18"

"It’s about serving the people you lead. It means leaving our ivory towers and getting down in the trenches."

"bear witness to what’s happening at a human level."

"And you have been rewarded with the competitive advantage all good leaders crave most: context."

"Green Berets taught me that preparation is two-thirds of every successful interaction. We must get clear on who we’re dealing with, what they value, what their pain is centered on."

"The secret to a successful interaction, no matter if it’s with a total stranger or the president of the United States, is to show up with an intention 100 percent built around discovery.

Discovery of the pictures in their head and nothing else.

What are those pictures? Pain and goals.

No agenda. No past. No future.

Just discovery."

"Storytelling

or, The Engine of Hope

The most powerful person in the world is the storyteller. The storyteller sets the vision, values, and agenda of an entire generation that is to come.

—Steve Jobs

Welcome to Stay In Step"

"organ.19 We are wired to hear, deliver, and comprehend stories."

"Story is defined as a detailed narration of a character’s struggles to overcome obstacles and reach an important goal.20"

"storytelling is the transfer of relevant imagery from one human to another."

"Stories provide meaning, context, emotional connection, and are remembered for a long time."

"I only have time to teach either tactics for close-quarters combat or narrative competence, I’ll teach the latter.

Every damn time."

"Steven Pressfield calls “Resistance.” These are negative internal voices that hold us down. Resistance is a form of self-sabotage that our left brain drives relentlessly.

There are some very simple answers to these resistance-fueled storytelling killers:"

"told a story."

"need to commit to it, and build your narrative muscles,"

"you have tens of thousands of stories."

"It’s not about you, even when you are the protagonist. Stories are told in the service of others."

"storytelling is the transfer of imagery from one human to another."

"narrative transportation."

"narrative transportation creates a deep level of psychological safety and reciprocity"

"use narrative competence to instill"

"Hope."

"hope is more about what we share in common than what makes us different."

"Tell your stories because they are the engines of hope."

"storytelling builds bridges over religion, race, and politics toward shared perspectives."

"backstory gives people the best sense of who you are in eight minutes or fewer."

"The only thing sweeter than someone hearing their name spoken out loud is when another person tells their story better than they can."

"Recognizing others, just like introductions, is a sacred act."

"things: vision and a personal story to convey that vision."

"When you share your vision story, end by saying something like, “This isn’t unique to me.” You can then pivot the audience into the protagonist role and they will see themselves"

"The hero hears a call.

2. The hero refuses the call.

3. The hero meets a guide.

4. The hero reluctantly answers the call.

5. The hero leaves the ordinary world and goes on a journey.

6. The hero ends up in the belly of the whale, facing struggles that are internal, external, or both.

7. The hero emerges from the struggle and returns home with a gift for the people.

Learn this framework, or better yet, build your own personal backstory using this framework, and you’ll be off to the races."

"moments that changed the trajectory of your life."

"meant everything. It was pivotal."

"Resolution"

"We need to know how a story ends so that we can extract the most meaning from it."

"Resolution is the “gift for the people” referred to in the Hero’s Journey framework."

"What happened."

"Life is about change."

"needs to know how the character changed as a result of the journey."

"commit their entire body to the storytelling effort,"

"Storytelling, in its most primal form, is a physical act."

"human engagement is 60 percent physical, 30 percent vocal tone, and only 10 percent verbal.21"

"When you tell your story, make sure you integrate your body, your voice, and your spirit in the telling. Prepare. Commit fully. Manage your breath and allow your emotions to blow in and out like the wind."

"practice."

"It’s not always the stories we tell that change hearts and minds… It’s the stories we ask to hear."

"allow the other party to respond in narratives"

"stayinstep.org."

"owning my guilt."

"bear: narrative competence; it’s not about you; narrative transportation; pivotal moments; storytelling 301."

"when we are generous with our scars, new opportunities to serve others arrive.

Why? Because we all struggle. It’s universal. Repurposing our struggle so that others can find hope is the ultimate form of generosity. It is the rocket fuel for leading through the Churn."

"Daniel Coyle explains in his book The Little Book of Talent, struggle occurs when the brain is forced to build new neural pathways to overcome a challenge."

"terrible tragedies and trauma repurpose their struggles into stories that serve others."

"You made it. Maybe I can make it too."

"“Flowers grow out of rocky ground,"

"“In the same hectic Kabul Airport that saw immense suffering and death, some young couples fell in love. A baby was born. And some people got out.”"

"If you want to be relevant to people caught in the Churn, you must tell them a real and meaningful story. And if you want that, you’ll have to deal with your struggles.

If there’s no struggle, there’s no story."

"leaders whose stories are built on the shoulders of struggle."

"Narrative transportation—using the sights, smells, and physical settings of a place to make it feel real for the listener—is critical to good storytelling."

"When you talk about struggle successfully and authentically, the body armor falls away and people open up. This moment is decisive. It’s the moment people choose you, the storyteller."

"revealing their scars before unveiling their ideas."

"you want them to choose you first, then your message."

"build your personal and organizational narratives on the sturdy shoulders of struggle."

"The personal kind.

According to psychologist Carl R. Rogers, “What’s most personal is most universal.”"

"if it’s personal to you, then it will be universally relevant to your audience. If it matters to you, it will matter to them."

"Making it personal is the most effective way to separate yourself from the divisionists and establish yourself as trustworthy."

"we need to move large numbers of people through rough times. We must make it personal in order to make it universal."

"principle of scar generosity requires a commitment to being vulnerable."

"Navy SEAL commanders who “signal vulnerability” in combat to more effectively achieve their team’s objectives."

"worthy of personal sacrifice were those who were willing to admit when they had gaps in knowledge or needed advice."

"openly pursue relatability, vulnerability will show up"

"are. If you’re human, the generosity of scars is available to you. All you need is the will and courage to employ it in the service of others."

"effort requires all of you."

"Struggle is where people choose"

"Struggle is where people choose you."

"People fail constantly."

"Leaders are cold and transactional. If you show up with emotional access that is authentic and available, and you genuinely serve your audience, they will relate to you even more, and the reciprocity will grow like a flower in rocky ground."

"We’re going to get to work from the bottom up. We’re going to operationalize our own upswing. Your operation can be as small as leading your town council, or it can be as big as tackling homelessness."

"Bottom-up actions can and do bring pressure for top-down reform."

"divisionists are wrong, and you cannot give up."

"two extremes—which are incessantly amplified by divisionists in media and people in positions of power—are drowning out the other tribes that comprise two-thirds of Americans: the exhausted majority."

"the exhausted majority feels as though it is being overcome all the time."

"The exhausted majority is right now becoming the empowered majority."

"“We cannot expect Congress and the tech companies to save us. We must change ourselves and our communities.”

Nobody is coming to save us."

"I like those odds. I always have.

I’ll run with this empowered majority—and you—all day long.

I’ll see you on the Rooftop."

"To the EXHAUSTED MAJORITY. May you find your voice and a way to come together to drown out the divisionists, suppress the Churn, get big sh*t done, and lead us all into better days."

"www.conciliators-guild.org"

"www.moreincommon.com"

"The Social Dilemma.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=cB0_-qKbal4"

"www.becomingsuperhuman.science"

"The World Until Yesterday is one of the best below-the-waterline assets I’ve come across. He really helps you understand why we are far more traditional than we are modern.

www.jareddiamond.org/Jared_Diamond/My_Books.html"